Aardvark (Orycteropus afer). Eats ants and termites. Can burrow a fucking yard in five minutes. The name means “earth-pig,” which is reasonably accurate since it roots around in the earth and lives in burrows and looks kind of like a pig.
While it is covered in fur, most of its protection against its prey, the sun, etc., comes from its hide being tough as hell. It’s kind of lazy and prefers finding a foraging column of bugs to ripping open mounds, which is kind of sensible since those mounds are basically like poured concrete. It uses both its really acute sense of smell and its fairly sensitive ears to find foraging insects and mounds.
I mean, these guys are basically like a hundred and fifty pounds of “fuck you, termites.” Much like giant anteaters, one of their main direct defenses if cornered is to roll over and attempt to disembowel your ass. This is actually a little disappointing, because these guys are like seven feet long and clearly capable of standing on their hind legs, so it’d be pretty rad if they made like the lesser anteater and pulled a stand-and-slash.
When they find something they want to rip open, they just set to work with those motherfucking claws of theirs.
Above: Like, fucking seriously.
They also dig burrows pretty much for fun. The abandoned temporary burrows are used by everybody and its brother, because it’s fucking hot out and nobody really wants to dig their own fucking burrows in baked clay. The presidential burrows that they use as their own residences are like five miles long (actual length: forty feet) with multiple entrances just in case they want to slip out the back ahead of missionaries and bill collectors and I don’t know probably a pantry or something (Aardvarks have not yet been discovered having pantries.).
Just like, Jesus Christ, aardvarks. What the fuck.